What has this year been about? I am not sure what I have been meant to learn. Whatever it is, I have not mastered the lesson.
This year I have felt under siege, unsupported, attacked, isolated and betrayed. I cannot see an end to this. I cannot see a way through or a way forward.
I feel very tired in dealing with this. I would like it to end.
It is really good that I have two beautiful daughters who need to have a mother who loves them, supports them and who is there for them.
Otherwise I can see no reason to be here.
I am of no value to anyone else.
I used to feel valued but this year I feel as if I have been discarded, that I have no skills or attributes worth anything to anyone. I am regularly dismissed.
I have indulged in the fantasy of getting cancer -I could make a justified escape.
I have to get up tomorrow and do it all again
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