Irony. That dreaded word.

Irony 1.
I apply for a transfer which I know is unlikely to materialise.
A man is a small part for this request to move.
We break up the day before I receive the transfer that was not going to happen.
Okay. I can live with that. He was only part of the reason to move. there are many more compelling reasons to move; I made sure of my motives before applying for this transfer.
So what more can happen?
Irony 2
So now, as I am leaving, I find desirable possibilities in one who remains here.

I know that when I leave, this half started, suggested, relationship, ripe with possibilities, will end. The tension that lingered for years, finally had an opportunity to resolve itself.
That possibility evaporates with the move.

What is happening?
Do you ever feel as if fate is taunting you? That you are the plaything of some higher force, that you are being jostled about for someone else's amusement?

Well the test of me is how I bear this.

Irony 3
I guess I must let go of all and begin again in a completely neutral state. With no expectations of anyone or anything. On my own. Let go of the longing.
Alone.
Again.
Naturally.

The upside is that I am alone again. Naturally. Life is uncomplicated - a blank page.

Where is my superman?

OMG!
I don't believe the hits I get with dating on line.

I know it is very sad to admit that I have been reduced to this. But you see -in my profession, it is not a good look to hit upon one's clients. (I dare not tell you who said clients are.)God knows there is no one else to consider.

So, reduced to the online animal we are. Oh, God... Whimper....

Yes, it is flattering to be followed by men14, 15 years your junior. Woah! is the initial thought. Yes, "this is good for my confidence," is another passing thought. If this hottish guy is pursuing me, then I can't be all bad.

And then the conversation begins.

Oh, God, Whimper....

Having passed vague pun passing as witticism -
"If your (sic) as sexy as your (sic) funny) you must be cool.
Emails last about 1 1/2 sentences. And I do use the term loosely. Sentences that is. Subject matter is -shall we say, light, fluffy, maybe even -superficial would be too kind, THIN.

Oh God.

I don't want much.

Just Adonis

who is of course exquisitely good in bed

highly intelligent, in a non geeky sort of way.

well read

familiar with the best art house movies

age open.

Not much really.

More and more unlikely to be hot bod, 15 years younger who thinks "your cool and your photo is really sexy".