Irony. That dreaded word.

Irony 1.
I apply for a transfer which I know is unlikely to materialise.
A man is a small part for this request to move.
We break up the day before I receive the transfer that was not going to happen.
Okay. I can live with that. He was only part of the reason to move. there are many more compelling reasons to move; I made sure of my motives before applying for this transfer.
So what more can happen?
Irony 2
So now, as I am leaving, I find desirable possibilities in one who remains here.

I know that when I leave, this half started, suggested, relationship, ripe with possibilities, will end. The tension that lingered for years, finally had an opportunity to resolve itself.
That possibility evaporates with the move.

What is happening?
Do you ever feel as if fate is taunting you? That you are the plaything of some higher force, that you are being jostled about for someone else's amusement?

Well the test of me is how I bear this.

Irony 3
I guess I must let go of all and begin again in a completely neutral state. With no expectations of anyone or anything. On my own. Let go of the longing.
Alone.
Again.
Naturally.

The upside is that I am alone again. Naturally. Life is uncomplicated - a blank page.

Where is my superman?

OMG!
I don't believe the hits I get with dating on line.

I know it is very sad to admit that I have been reduced to this. But you see -in my profession, it is not a good look to hit upon one's clients. (I dare not tell you who said clients are.)God knows there is no one else to consider.

So, reduced to the online animal we are. Oh, God... Whimper....

Yes, it is flattering to be followed by men14, 15 years your junior. Woah! is the initial thought. Yes, "this is good for my confidence," is another passing thought. If this hottish guy is pursuing me, then I can't be all bad.

And then the conversation begins.

Oh, God, Whimper....

Having passed vague pun passing as witticism -
"If your (sic) as sexy as your (sic) funny) you must be cool.
Emails last about 1 1/2 sentences. And I do use the term loosely. Sentences that is. Subject matter is -shall we say, light, fluffy, maybe even -superficial would be too kind, THIN.

Oh God.

I don't want much.

Just Adonis

who is of course exquisitely good in bed

highly intelligent, in a non geeky sort of way.

well read

familiar with the best art house movies

age open.

Not much really.

More and more unlikely to be hot bod, 15 years younger who thinks "your cool and your photo is really sexy".

my funny valentine?

Did I mention that irony was the defining quality which dogs my heels these last few months? Like a dark, lurking creature, it lies in wait, ready to surprise me with yet another "ironic event" .

I have mentioned the moving back into family home gig -the place from which I couldn't escape fast enough when young? The application for transfer which was never going to happen but came through miraculously as one of my main reasons for transferring died in its tracks? This involves moving cities -not a small move. A big move, in fact. Sigh......

Well, here is another.

I fell in love with a valentine who had no heart. A heartless valentine in fiend's clothing who turned out to be no friend of mine. No saint, this man though a martyr to his own senseless, wasted cause. My funny valentine?
Sadly, no joke.

Never trust a scorpion!

Ah! sexy scorpions! How I love them! How they dote on me. Sad they are so far and few in between. Sad you can't trust them.

There is nothing like a sizzling passionate Scorpion, determined to have his way with you. Oh, those smouldering, scorpions! Be still, my beating heart.

This dark horse of a scorpion made an unreserved and ungentlemanly lunge at me. I was partially surprised -partially stunned by the full frontal nature of it. Nothing reticent here. No gently feeling your way, no suggestive caress, lingering touch or meaningful look. Just a full on lunge. Breasts firmly held, lips awash in lips, hot heavy breath.

I should have been affronted. I didn't know how I felt.

Then I thought -actually -I like this very much. I had a serious change of heart.

But of course -the cad is married.

You can never trust a scorpion. I will just have to swim away...

But T. , you set my heart on fire.

Wheel of Fortune

It has been some time since my last musing and how eventful that time has been.
I was moderately happy in love and settled in a job, home and social life.
Things change so quickly.

Within 24 hours my love life was turned upside down - it ended suddenly. To boot, I received a transfer to Brisbane. The irony of being transferred to Bris is that a small part of my request for transfer was to see how this relationship might develop if we were in the same city. The timing is so bizarre one can't help but wonder if some divine force is at work. Why?

It has taken me some time to get over this relationship as I was quite smitten and had foolishly let my guard down. Never again.

Now I am on the track to a new life. The card The World suggests itself at this point.

Let's lay down some more ironies.

I will be moving back into the house I could not escape from fast enough when I was 17.
As I leave my current location, a charming and sexy man has made a strong play for me. The first local to have done so in 8 years of residing here. Yes I know -he is making the play because it is safe to do so as I am leaving... Let me have my fantasies...

Any more to pile up? I think that is sufficient for one quarter, don't' you?

Oh but wait, there's more. One man takes me out to dinner but is too shy to kiss me good night. Another offers somewhat less in the meal department and somewhat more in the lust department -in much less salubrious surroundings. I know it is obvious which one is the more trustworthy, which one I should encourage, but I just can't make myself get hot and flustered for "the good guy". I know there are serious shortcomings with "the devilish one" too. It's hard not to pick the obvious self undermining going on here.

Maybe the Wheel of Fortune is stuck on a stone and just won't turn as I try to move my heart forward to catch up with life's other events which are overtaking me.

Maybe I should just get over it!

Blah!

Blah!
Sunday night and nothing achieved. A great weekend but none of my list of jobs done. While I sit and ponder, the paperwork breeds around me like microscopic organisms that multiply into an enormous octopus which rises from the ocean to comsume me....
When will it ever stop and why does it have to be so complicated??? Why do people in large corporations never communicate with each other, instead delivering contradictory instructions to pooor confused customers, never once responding to the questions you actually asked.
Blah!

The Queen of Avoidance

I am nearing the end of my holidays in which I hoped to be "really productive".

As I look at my "to do list", I see there have been minimal incursions into this enemy territory. What's more, the things that in the past I would avoid doing have now become my replacement avoidance activities. How bad is that??

All year I have dreaded doing my father's paperwork so much that I think I would have entered a burning building to rescue Tony Abbott rather than face the forest of paper which is DP. (Dad's Paperwork). The more I would avoid this, the more the pile of paper would grow until finally I would have to make channels through the stacks of unopened enveloppes to be able to walk around my place. How much mail can one man receive?

As I try to dominate this A4 monster, to wrestle it into some sort of managable proportion, to lay some sort of order to the nine or so piles that decorate the spare bed (this constitues order for me), I become conscious that I am actually now using this as an excuse to avoid another "too hard basket" task which looms over me.

For my job I must complete my "pedagogical licence". As a government employee, this must be completed in my own time of course and I had reserved this holidays to make a really solid start on this rather time consuming project.

How much have I completed, you ask?

Absolutely nothing, zippo, zilch......
I know, I know - it's just that I can't face starting it.

Promise to self - START NOW!!! WITHOUT FAIL!

Yes, yes I will.

Well hang on a moment - I just have to bank some cheques for dad - and there is a movie I have to watch which is due back today......

I will definitely start..... later.

Meisters of the Universe

Hello All,
this is my first blog!
I was inspired to start blogging after a Sunday afternoon spent at the German Club, where I was with a friend for her birthday.

Here, in this quaintly Bavarian location, I was assailed by a number of octogenarian nazies and a selection of international oddballs who felt that I would inevitably fall to their irrestible charms.
Being the polite person I am, and being at a birthday bash, I thought it was unseemly to express my real reactions to these sexually overdriven, overconfident yet attractively challenged Meisters of the Universe. Instead, my real reactions are contained within these pages.

The adventure began the moment I entered the Chicken Dancing establishment. Aware I was being appraised like a lamb chop at the Annual Meat Fancier's Dinner, I approached my friend in greeting. Not two seconds later it became obvious that I was clearly in the blue ribbon category as I was invited to join some men and their wives, in the German Swingers version of the Finnish Sauna ie, naked free for all.

Clearly, they I felt I should be flattered by their offer. How could any red blooded woman resist the call of the flabby ayran felsh, the receding hair lines fast being overtaken by encroaching bald deserts, the saggy, pouchy eyes and salivating lips.

How could I resist, I hear you ask?

Mustering all my will power I managed to fight off the temptation to say that it would be a cold day in hell (pretty much your swinging sauna scenario really) that I would enter such a steamy trap.

INSTEAD, I politely declined. After an initially mystified response at this surprising knockback,
they gave me the benefit of thinking it over -for about 5 seconds - before they asked again, convinced I was either mad or maybe just being coy and coquetish. Amazingly, I once again declined.
After some persistance on their behalf, I agreed to this outrageous proposal if I could have my male friend with me

Looks of stunned horror!! What could I be thinking, poor mad Australian woman.

"Ah, then sadly I must once again decline this once in a life time opportunity."

Fortunately, the rest of the evening continued without too much interest from the Ms of the U and a mostly pleasant time was had.

But, then just as we were leaving, an ominous shadow appeared in my peripheral vision and swiftly moved to right in front of my face.


"I am leaving now, my dear, unless you can think of a reason why I should stay..." hoarsely whispered an aging Bavarain Love God.

"I can't think of a single one!" I replied.


Please don't think I have tickets on myself... I am a normal middle aged woman of average attractiveness. I do not think I am above the attentions of any individual or group of people.

But, what amazes me is the aggressive assault on unsuspecting women and the utter self belief of some men - of all races. Rejection does not phase them - indeed it surprises them.

What are your views on this???